Sometimes we as human beings buy into the lie that this life is easy. I have been on the theme of chasing dreams the past few days, and I want to take a moment and really look at that phrase. “Chasing dreams” sounds so whimsical, almost magical. But only when we just skim the surface, when we look behind the glitter we see the truth. Chasing is a verb, an action. You’re not going to conquer that mountain in front of you by looking up and getting the warm fuzzies. You are going to have to work for it, and work hard.
That isn’t such a terrible thing, I rather enjoy putting in my best effort, at least most of the time. There are days though where opening my eyes and dragging my backside out of bed is about as much effort as I can muster. Today was one of those days. You know, the type where your head is pounding, your joints are aching, and you barely have the energy to pull the covers off. I felt like I had spent the night in a cement mixer running full blast and joined by a bowling ball or two.
The ambition of the previous several days had deserted me, and so had feelings of well-being. There was not enough coffee in Columbia to make me feel alive. The temptation to take a day away from writing was miserably strong, and I did allow myself an hour or two off.
Bottom line though, I had committed to doing something no matter what, and this would be no exception. Firing up my trusty computer I opened my most recent short story and glanced over the work I had done so far. The lack of ambition was nothing in light of the discovery I made glancing at the screen in front of me. I was over 2,000 words into the 7,500 word limit and I had barely got past the first scene.
My first thought was to allow it to play out as a novella and set it aside to be worked parallel to my current novel. I’d just return to the drawing board and start another short story. This was another one of those staring myself in the eyes and not liking what I saw kind of experiences. Here I was making excuses for ignoring the guidelines and goals I had set for myself, guidelines meant to help me achieve success.
For this writing concept to work I need to get work “out there”, not added to a pile of pending projects. In a moment of resolve I scrapped the entire thing, opting to rewrite it in tighter form and fitting the guidelines I had set. Though I had in a way set myself back a day by throwing out yesterday’s writing I had also held myself to the standard I set. It was a tough decision, but the right one for me.
That brings me to my point for this post. The most loving thing to do for someone isn’t always the easiest or even the “nicest”. It is neither loving or nice to allow someone to continue in something that is harming them or holding them back. even when that someone is yourself.
Today’s writing progress
Reworked the short story and began typing it, about 500 words completed
Planned the next 2,000 words for the novel, to be typed later this evening after a meeting I have to attend
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